kutelikeme's Xanga

Wednesday, November 17, 2004

Wed, 17 Nov 2004 05:29:51 GMT

Hmm I wonder why do relationships have to be so hard?Gee maybe it's because the only thing harder is to be alone...

Tuesday, November 16, 2004

Tue, 16 Nov 2004 14:48:40 GMT

What happens next?

Sunday, November 14, 2004

Sun, 14 Nov 2004 05:37:29 GMT

I’m still sick. I have a really bad cough. Do you guys wanna know something super cool? I have the coolest boyfriend ever and I take him for granted and I have no clue to why he is still with me. I think it’s because I force him to. But oh well, I feel bad. But I do love him so much and yes, I LOVE HIM! No matter what and I mean no matter what, he is my best friend, and my one and only...

These past few days, my mama and I have been doing some quality bonding, shopping bonding! Yup yup yup.... I don’t think I need to say more. As for my pops and me, we’re cool. He’s been working hard and has been really tired lately so it’s cool. We still have out evening at home watching tv! Kobe is becoming a rascal I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO?!?!?

Today:

Went to the bank, went shopping, had dinner with the people I love and got really bloated!

Friday, November 12, 2004

Fri, 12 Nov 2004 02:37:49 GMT

Dude, it’s about time that I updated this thing. Haha... I guess I got a life. Just kidding. So so so... Where to start? I don’t know. Let’s see what’s new with me. Hmm I think I wrote about Kobe, my adorable little puppy. Uhhh... school is eh. What can I say? I guess stress and all that fun stuff is all about school. Next semester looks like its going to be mediocre. It seems like my hardest class will be Microbiology. Work’s cool. I work with some pretty awesome people. As for friends, I’m happy to say that everything’s all good. For those of you who know.."Through thick and thin..." My family’s good. I can’t complain. Lastly, as for Faheem the machine and I we are doing well. Almost 10 months and going! Whoo Hoo!!! That’s it for now! Things to look forward to: Thanksgiving Break!

Thursday, October 21, 2004

Thu, 21 Oct 2004 13:58:03 GMT

a piece of thread that you're holding onto has to break sometime...

Saturday, October 02, 2004

Sat, 02 Oct 2004 08:32:44 GMT

It's finally time to update this thing. So yeah, there's alot of things that we need to catch up on but I don't know where to start?!?!?! Let's start off with the obvious.

School is school. It's hard but it's nothing that I can't handle. I got some pretty tough classes this semester and well, I'm doing the best I can to survive. So far so good. I did pretty well so far in the tests I've taken during the past 2 weeks but I'm really worried about my Chemistry Exam. Hmmm... It's 2am on a early Saturday morning. I just finished taking my Art test. Lol. NOT. I'll never do that again. Other than that I think everything else is fine and dandy.

Faheem and I are good. Recently we have had a couple of fights here and there but no matter what when it all comes down to it Love is all that matters. (I Love You Faheem!) Thursday night we went out to play darts and we actually found a game that we can both play and have fun Oh and not to mention a game where I can kick his ass in. Then today, we hung out as usual. We had, lunch, dinner, haha, and we saw Shark Tale. I have to say a very cute movie and yet funny. Time only knows when I started falling in love with him and well it's safe to say that I'm still falling....

Family wise, we're all good. My mom and dad are planning to go to Hawaii in a week. They're leaving Kobe and I home alone! Partayyy!!! Whoo Hoo. I have to admit I'm gonna miss them even though its just gonna be a week. The new addition to our family, Kobe, my cute puppy is very well loved in my house-hold. He is the cutest little thing you have ever seen. He is so adorable. I haven't really spoken to my Nanay in awhile. I miss her. I wonder what she's up to?!?!?!

Friends. Yeah it's all about Tuesdays. Haha. Oh and I shouldn't forget 10 o'clock meetings on the internet. You guys are the best-what can I say?

Work is cool. I work here and there and I love it. The people are cool. You meet alot of people as well. I got some pretty awsome managers, and pretty nifty co-workers. Oh and to top it all off I got the love of my life working with me.... Yay!!!!

October looks like its gonna be a busy month. Things to look forward to:

My mom and dad leaving!!!

Knott's Scary Farm

Faheem's Casino Night Thing ( If you wanna come tell me! Go, it's for a good cause.)

My Dad and my Nanay's Brthday on the same day.

Disneyland with my parents!

Faheem's Birthday!

Christopher's Birthday!

Halloween and I don't know...

Oh my family from the Islands are coming! Whoo Hooo!!

Monday, September 27, 2004

Mon, 27 Sep 2004 05:23:07 GMT

Well well well, it's been awhile. But I thought I would just write a little something something just because. Life for me is okay. Actually it's great despite the fact I have a psycotic hoe in my life but that's besides the fact that my family is great, things between Faheem and I are good, Kobe is doing well, and even though I don't hang out with most of you guys reading this I got some of the best friends a person can have. School is crazy and work is work. What else? Uhhh.... I don't know.

I'm really excited because my parents are gonna go on vacation for a week. They deserve it. On the plus side, Kobe and I are gonna have the house all to ourselves! Then I have Bren's baby shower coming up where I am gonna be the God Mother of her baby. I'm so thrilled about that! Yay! Then it's my Dad's, Grandma's, and Faheem's birthday ths month as well along with Halloween, and the cousins coming over from Hawaii!

I could write more but I should really get back to my chemistry homework. Till next time....

Tuesday, September 14, 2004

Tue, 14 Sep 2004 06:14:37 GMT

Today was cool. Super cool. Got out of Chem early. Studied and hung out with friends. Oh and then my Stats test was cancelled then it was off home to play with a new member of my family. His name is Kobe. My new pupppy. He's my little dude! After that, we took a nap, and read some Political Science. We hung out with my dad and then it was off to hang out with my man. By the way, we made it to 8 months on Sunday. and just like alays each and everyday my heart grows fonder and my love fr him gets stronger and stronger. He's my better half, my best friend, and my love. We went to Mickey D's, Target, Best Buy to play video games ( I saw Liam! This is random but I think this guy is awsome. He might think I'm a freak if he's reading this but your a really nice person, and that shouldn't go unotice. There are nice peole and there are mean people. Hopefully good more than bad. But yeah, we met in summer school a while back and ever since then no matter what - he always takes the time to say what's up and chit chat! He has a really good personality and well I think that's cool! ), then off to the other Best Buy to actually by his computer mic since they didn't have it at the one by our house. I leftt Kobe with my Dad his Grandpa and he got sick. I'm sad. I hope he feels better.

Tuesday, August 31, 2004

Tue, 31 Aug 2004 18:44:43 GMT

I feel really icky inside. I don’t know what to do? My heart aches, and all in all I feel so empty and lonely. Anger, regret, fear, and desolation, and guilt are pent up all inside. I can’t wait till these feelings go away, but till then I just have to find a way to deal with them so I can get through it. What happened? What happened to me? I don’t know. I don’t like the person I am or should I say the person I’ve become. I can’t help it. I ask myself, "Where did I go wrong?" By my surprise, I don’t even have a legitimate answer to my own question.

What to do? What to do? Who knows? I have so much going on right now. I have things to worry about, things to handle, and meet certain expectations. There’s school, family, and this so-called life I have where major things keep popping up or just happening. I get myself into predicaments where I can’t get myself out. How dumb am I?

Oh boy, it looks like I have everything all figured out but little do people know, I don’t.

Keep reading if you may. As you can tell this entry is gonna rant on about expressing what’s going on with me and my own little way of getting things out and trying to cope with it. So, STOP NOW if you wish or go on if you DARE...

Expectations. We all have them. Who doesn’t?!?! In my opinion, it’s highly overrated. You either meet them or you don’t. When you do YIPPY when you don’t you feel miserable. People expect a lot from me and I’m only human. I have flaws and imperfections, but I try my best at what I can do. But I don’t think that’s enough. What’s enough? Through some people’s eyes I’ve failed them in many ways and all I can do is say sorry and be sorry. For some, their faith in me has disappeared into thin air and how does that make me feel? I guess it only hurts me because it’s the people who I love and care for who I have disappointed and let down. I think some already have given up n me and I guess that’s somewhat of a relief but yet disappointing. I don’t know what I can do to make it up to them but as they say time heals everything. To be quite frank, time seems like it’s taking forever.

I let down a lot of you and I’m sorry I didn’t fit the person you perceived me to be.

On another note I have a couple of things to say to particular person. I don’t know why all this time after everything you have done to me, I still stuck around. NOTICE, the word "stuck" in the English grammar is in the past tense. COMPREHEND it or not. You’re a dumb, skank, who has painted on looks, but no brains. You’ve screwed me once shame on you and you screwed me MORE THAN TWICE shame on ME! But I have to face it. What a fool am I?!?!? You’ve belittled me, ridiculed me, and hurt me in so many ways that I thought was impossible. I didn’t know it was possible for a person to be so reluctant to be so evil like the devil himself. I’ve had it.

What are you jealous of? You have nothing to be jealous of? As you can tell, I don’t think you want what I have right now. Do what you have to do. I’ll ignore you as long as I have to. Be low, be cold-hearted, be sneaky and be conniving .... Hurt me, you already have. You made me stronger in ways that I can’t let things or people like you affect my life like you already have. You made me aware that there are people God forbid, like you out there. You are nothing to me, and nor will you be ever. I gave you your chances and you’ve used them all up for years now. I grew up, I realized, I got smart..

FUCK YOU BITCH!

YOU WON the battle of evilness and you reached your goal to make me unhappy. I should of realized from the start, and that very moment your crossed the line you were no good. No wonder, you’re just some dumb ass hoe who gets passed around like a rented DVD.

Before I mentioned that I don’t know why you are so jealous of me. The light shines. I see it. I’m sorry I have things you want. I know I’m a lucky girl. I’m sorry you’re not as fortunate as me to have had all that I have. Yeah, I do have two wonderful parent’s who give me everything they can in life to make me happy and at times I take it for granted. They raised me with MORALS and with that...I’m sorry yours didn’t. I have self respect for myself and I have dignity and that is something you can never have or take away from me. So yeah, be jealous, hurt me in anyway you can. Just remember, WHAT COMES AROUND GOES AROUND. Who are you but a WASTED PERSON WITH NO SOUL and NO HEART.

This is to someone who I think I’ve hurt the most. I remember when I first met you and I made a promise to you that I would never try to hurt you intentionally and well we both know I failed that promise many times. The word "sorry" must be in here a million times. Just so you know you made me a better person and you taught me a lot. You showed me how to love and how it feels to be loved. The ways you showed me and taught doesn’t come that often in life and I just wanna say THANK YOU. Even though you probably don’t think so, you were ALWAYS there for me and no matter what I CAN ALWAYS COUNT ON YOU. I know this contradicts with what I said earlier when I said, I didn’t like who I’ve become, but that was only meant towards the my abilities to let down and disappoint people like I have done to you. So, I hope you can find it from the bottom of your heart to understand, forgive and not hate me.

Monday, August 30, 2004

Mon, 30 Aug 2004 17:43:46 GMT

I got out of Chem lab early so why not....

Alright, well the first week of class went alright. I like my schedule. I have all morning classes and the latest I stay at school is 2pm. Not bad at all huh? My teacher's seems pretty cool and all I have to do now is wait till October to meet my Applied Psyc. teacher but I don't think that will matter since it's an online class.

This weekend was fun! As always time well spent with my love! Ichibiri's, the beach and camping out there one night and getting a parking ticket, buying our books for school, hang out with his fraternity buddies for a bit, being bitchy to him ( sorry hun! I know I’m a pain sometimes but thanks for tolerating me like you always do! ), meeting the family ( yikes overall it was good It was my Uncle's 50th surprise birthday party on Saturday and I brought Faheem. Everybody liked him and I got really good feedback ), playing cards, and blah blah blah...

School school school is here. I feel kinda overwhelmed already. September is nearing and the 2nd and 3rd week of it is gonna be torture. Most of my classes are having their first exams those weeks. I'm frightened.

I have alot of pent up feelings that I'm keeping inside. FEAR, ANGER, REGRET, and sometimes LONLINESS.... Ugh, I hate it. The things I want to say and get out there I'm afraid to say because of the response I might get from what comes out of my mouth. I don't know if I'm thinking way too much but it's still in my head. I have some fears about certain things in my life right now. I feel like I'm at a point in something where things are just stopped and I'm just awaiting for something to happen. Not only that, but I feel like I'm losing something I don't want to lose. On the other hand, I have so much anger and spite towards people that piss me off that I think I'm bipolar or something?!?!? HELP! lol....

Anyways, I think I should end this since this entry is kinda eeeww... I have Stats in 45 mins and I think I shall finish up my lab calculations and stuff.